I didn’t sleep much last night, instead I finished the book, “Insanity of God” by Nik Ripken. I really love audio books, especially when I’m not feeling great. I can listen with my eyes closed. I can do a sudoku. I can clean (which I need to enlist some people in my house to do today). What I cannot do is taken notes. There was much about this book that I want to remember. Recall.

“Until we can grasp the full meaning of the Resurrection, we first have to witness or experience crucifixion. If we spend our lives so afraid of suffering, so averse to sacrifice, that we avoid even the risk of persecution or crucifixion, then we might never discover the true wonder, joy and power of a resurrection faith. Ironically, avoiding suffering could be the very thing that prevents us from partnering deeply with the Risen Jesus.”
― Nik Ripken, The Insanity of God: A True Story of Faith Resurrected

I’m learning something in my own personal experience with pain that I do not believe i would learn anywhere else. I have experienced God, his wisdom, his comfort and his care more than any other time in my life. Waking up in pain, living in pain and going to bed in pain gives me a new appreciation.

As a parent, I find myself always praying for less pain, less hurt, less sadness in my children’s lives. I do not want them to be in pain. I do not want them to suffer. Yet, if my loving Father has taught me more about himself in pain than in relief, maybe my prayers should change. Good grief, I am not going to actively pray for pain. Rather, I will pray for his will, his presence and his timing.

That’s hard. I know my dear Mom prays for healing for me. Oh, I appreciate it. I don’t want to be afraid of suffering, I want to partner with Jesus. I want my life to be poured out for Jesus. I don’t see how that will happen today or tomorrow, but I’m beginning to ask the Lord to make me brave.

i want to experience the resurrection of Christ. I want to obey Christ and his calling on my life. He knows exactly what that will be. I pray for more trust in him, less trust in my things.

“Jesus is better than all the pleasures, possessions, and pursuits of this world put together.”
― Nik Ripkin