Canal at Welburn House. Looking towards North America byRoger Gilbertson
Good morning, beloved,
Have you ever had one of those days where you wish the words that come out of your mouth could be forced back in without anyone noticing? I have had a couple of days where I look back and wish for a vacuüm. Instead all I have is an apology. You see I have a severe people pleasing desire within me. It’s my yuck. And my kids somehow decide that having a yelling argument in front of a group of my peers would be a great idea. Aaaahhh, yes. And I clap my hand over my son’s mouth and try to defuse the situation as quickly as possible and leave as quickly as I can. What do I worry about? (Being real here…what my peers all think..how sad.) My little guy is falling apart the way out, women are calling out to be please be quiet as children are still testing…(they didn’t know) and inwardly, I ripped. We get outside and I look at my eldest and ask him why he didn’t stick up for his brother. Ah, yes, Cara, way to get a handle on the situation and not just blurt out the first thought in your mind.
Bhakra Main Channel, Punjab by Zenit
Immediately I see what I’ve done and my little guy actually apologizes and cries out that everyone hates him and he’ll never have friends. That my eldest did stick up for him and my eldest got my apology. My apology? I am so ripped up at how hard life is on my little guy and I don’t know what to do with all that emotion sometimes. Normally I can defuse it. I can pray it through. Yet when it collides with my base sins of people pleasing that God is killing in me, wow, we have a virtual train wreck. My eldest and I warily look at one another and we talk all the way home. You see, my little guy, on the outside, looks just like all the rest. On the inside, it’s all mixed up. The seizures, the psychological, the learning issues..the all of it…the memory stuff…not many kids his age have patience for his stuff.
So, we get back up again. We all pile out of the car. Make some lunch and laugh over a Phineas and Ferb and head off to speech therapy. Eldest gets his Garfield comics and we laugh at the comics together. Life starts to piece back together. We listen to the Afters song…
At first glance when I saw today’s Bible I wondered how it would all tie together, yet somehow God in all of His brilliance using my stuff…
15 We who are strong [in our convictions and of robust faith] ought to bear with the failings and the frailties and the tender scruples of the weak; [we ought to help carry the doubts and qualms of others] and not to please ourselves.
2 Let each one of us make it a practice to please (make happy) his neighbor for his good andfor his true welfare, to edify him [to strengthen him and build him up spiritually].
3 For Christ did not please Himself [gave no thought to His own interests]; but, as it is written, The reproaches and abuses of those who reproached and abused you fell on Me.
My eldest has two dear friends. One has seizures just like my little guy. My eldest has taken it upon himself to become his watch guard for both of them. He loves them. He loves them. He isn’t perfect, let me tell you but I see God’s perfect plan coming out. We who are strong…He carries his friend in social situations if it gets to be too much…He stands with him if he senses his friend is uncomfortable or sad, he hangs out with him whenever he can. He does for his friend what, at times, his brother will not allow him to do. I admire my eldest. I did not ask him to be a friend to this boy. This was all him and he didn’t know his friend had any issues. He saw a boy who needed a friend.
And then God unfolded a family who has two boys my other boys ages…His gift to the rest of our family…And their mother and I finish each other’s sentences as we talk medically…:)
A gift. Remember, I need to remember…
1. Die to your needs..to yourself…Luke 9:23 And He said to all, If any person wills to come after Me, let him deny himself [disown himself, forget, lose sight of himself and his own interests, ]refuse and give up himself] and take up his cross daily and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also].
2. Give thanks…1 Thessalonians 5:18 Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].
3. Am I, with God’s divine mercy, taking thoughts captive? 2 Corinthians 10:5 [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thoughtand purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),
Pray on, beloved. Pray on.
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understanding. . .