Nearness

Over night, I began listening to some Bible to help me calm and fall back asleep. Here’s what happens so often, I’m listening and paying attention, and then something is said that triggers a worry in me. Then I stop listening and minutes later I realize I haven’t heard a word. Guys, last night this happened again and I restarted the words of God and began to pray for this exact concern in earnest. My heart calmed and I learned.

The fear feels very real and yet, I know my prayers are heard! I know that God has answered, is answering and will answer. I know this because of my history with my God. I see it in my journals, actively thanking God for all my blessings.

I’m meditating and memorizing Matthew 6. This has been a new habit over the last few months. I don’t remember all the words in the exact order, but having the main ideas and content in my head has been giving me words to speak to my heart. And speak to others.

Matthew 6:24-26

”“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?“
https://bible.com/bible/100/mat.6.24-26.NASB1995

So, as I’ve been meditating, I keep thinking, I’m not worried about these three things. I am worried about other things. Yet, this is what I am learning today. Worry can become my master. It can influence my decisions, my sleep, my response to others. My conversations with others and literally myself, can become full of feelings. If I really consider my worries, then boiled down, it is my lack of trust in provision.

In these few verses, we are given an aid to help us remember to jump the tracks when we are on a train ride to nowhere. Look at the flowers. I’m honestly considering changing my wallpaper on my phone. Seriously!

I also notice my focus. Me, my, mine. Very self focused. And the preceding verses about when I give to the poor, when I pray and when I fast do not encourage this. Rather, when I am giving to the poor, this is between my God and I, my focus becomes on those who need much more than I. When I pray, I certainly can pray for my needs, but most important is worship. It is vertical and not intended for only my laundry list. I am praying:

Matthew 6:9-13

”“Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]“
https://bible.com/bible/100/mat.6.9-13.NASB1995

I am praying for God’s kingdom. God’s will. Praying for my needs. For forgiveness for my sins and the choice to forgive others. To be lead and delivered from evil.

I want to be under one Master in my life. And I do not want it to be me or my feelings. I want to be led by the truth and in so doing, choose to follow the “whens” of Matthew 6. There are no “ifs”.

Peace.