Things

I have little trinkets that people have given me over the year on my dresser and nightstand. Each one reminds me of a time, points me. There are some little things that are from people that I no longer am in contact with, not because of a break in friendship, just lives going in different directions. I have little things all over my house like this. I would bet, now that I think about it, that nobody else in this house knows the significance.

In our last move, 2 years ago, I got rid of a ton of stuff. Mountains of stuff were destroyed in the flood of our basement. I still have a single garage of stuff that I really need to go through and sort. Here’s the thing: I don’t know how to let some things go. But, I’m realizing that this stuff will not have any significance to anyone but me and Joshua. Joshua and I.

To enter and go through it all is daunting. Go through and touch it and figure where it should go. If I am just going to move it from one storage to another, why am I saving it? The chiropractor I am working with made a comment to me about how I carry my stress. My body has finally said, the holding of all the stress internally has come in the form of pain.

That hits, as soon as I typed that, my body, my head wanted to flee. I wanted to pick up my phone. Anything but realize that whether I deal with the stress right now or not, I will deal with it. Just like with my stuff, I can move it to another area and not really look at it.

Or I can take one box at a time, open it and make decisions. I do not have to do this alone. I have family. Just in the same way, the stressors pounding at my life, I don’t open those doors on my own. I notice when stress comes my way, what are my first and second responses?

How can I take deep breaths when stress hits? Remind myself of truth. Flood my mind with memorized Scriptures rather than the what ifs. A of heat packs sort of balm to my heart.

Even when my mind focuses on what I have done wrong or how I screwed something up, I can breathe. I can remember. And just like that heat pack on my body soothing the pain externally, recalling truth from God’s word gives me peace and strength on the inside.

Someone recently asked me what do I have on repeat in my mind, Scripture wise. Always psalm 23. Psalm 91 (memorized as a teenager). Psalm 139 (also memorized as a teenager). And now memorizing other Scripture, I can say this to my troubled soul and calm.

Last night was a perfect example. In my ears, pouring Scripture, eventually falling back asleep. Psalm 23. Today, in worship, “be the Shepherd of my soul.”

Shepherd