Why three in the morning?
Wake up in a pool of sweat and unknown fears.
The room holds darkness and quiet, my heart thuds quickly. Cue the rapid thoughts and fears that take shape in my mind.
At 3 in the morning.
Nothing good happens in my mind at this hour. In this year of COVID, each of us seem to have many reasons to be fearful and worry-filled.
Let me take you to my mind recently.
At 3 in the morning.
The weight of my world feels heavy to me. However, in light of others’ burdens, let me acknowledge that I carry my weight that God has given me. I know that as I read and listen to the stories of my brothers and sisters being persecuted for their faith, my trials are light and momentary. Those that are fighting for their life with cancer diagnoses. Those that have lost loved ones to illness.
I’ve fought this battle all my life, just so you know. This, hey, let’s wake up at 3 in the morning for no reason, plan. For most of my life, I’ve had a some plan to deal with it. I know that my Grandma dealt with it, she had a little transistor radio that she listened to every night to get her through the long hours. I know my mom does as well.
Through my years, I have found different ways to cope. Mostly listening to the Bible and audio books and prayer. So, when I restarted memorizing Scripture with the new year, (something I don’t have confidence) I didn’t think the impact would be so profound.
To be quite honest, what came up in my mind was not even the passage I was memorizing at first. It was a passage of Scripture I memorized as a child. So, when I woke up terrified and unsure, what flooded my mind right away were the words of Psalms. They came right to mind and I said them over and over and over. And then, I went to the words I’m trying to memorize now. Not perfectly, but peace began to fill my mind.
I didn’t solve Monday’s problems. I am here, today. God will be with me on Monday. He will be my covering. So, I come back to the truth, memorizing it, holding it in my heart. I don’t do it very well, but the essential truths are hidden in my heart.
And, at the three in the morning, that is all that I need.
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