Waiting for the morning

We have had four days in a row of no sunshine. None. I keep looking to the heavens waiting for the break of sun. I think we are supposed to get some rays today. I’m not going to hold my breath, but I sure would welcome. This is exactly the time when I need to remember what is behind the blanket of clouds. The sun is there, we just can’t see. The last time I flew we were having similar gray blanket. As we burst above, the sun was shining brightly.

As my friend Pam says, that’ll preach. My circumstances, my physical pain can often feel like a gray blanket. This is why I open my Bible every morning. I need the truth of Scripture to combat the gray blanket of sadness, depression, etc. Truth shines brighter than the gray.

I haven’t been sleeping great lately and when that happens, as I have written before, my thoughts can spiral. The other thing is I begin to long for morning. waiting for the lightening of the cloud cover. The Psalmist here in Psalm 130 has this anticipation as well.

“Out of the depths [of distress] I have cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive To the voice of my supplications.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭130‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/psa.130.1-2.AMP

There is this feeling of humility here. The depths of distress conjure deep sorrow, worry, fear. This is exactly the time to cry out to the Lord. How often do I reach for my phone to deaden the depths?How often do I turn to another? Oh my soul, reach for my Redeemer. Cry to him in the depths. Turn first to the Lord, Adonai, master. Ask him to hear my cries.

Last night was one of those times. I was hurt by some words and initially I cried and wished for a way to get out. i was so tempted to share my feelings with those who would comfort me. Yet, I knew there was only one comfort. This is such a process for me. Paying attention to my feelings, not being ashamed of them. Recognizing their validity, but not asking another to jump in the mud puddle with me. I am worthy of God’s love and care. You are worthy of God’s love and care.

I need to keep remembering God is not like man. He doesn’t use shame and disgust to teach me and to guide me. His Spirit does nudge me. Speak truth to me. Remind me of the word.

“If You, Lord, should keep an account of our sins and treat us accordingly, O Lord, who could stand [before you in judgment and claim innocence]? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared and worshiped [with submissive wonder].”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭130‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/psa.130.3-4.AMP

In my example of my response to hurtful words, I know my first response was not helping my spiral. Rather, this is my time to remember the vast difference between God and man. He does not treat us as our sins deserve. He can be found. He does forgive. He does carry my heart with care. Forgiveness is cleansing. His word convicts and cleanses.

I remember songs of praise. I remember Psalms.

“I wait [patiently] for the Lord, my soul [expectantly] waits, And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning; More than the watchmen for the morning.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭130‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/psa.130.5-6.AMP

Waiting. UGH. I do not like to wait. Yet there is so much waiting in life. Waiting for the light to turn green. Waiting for that phone call. Waiting for dinner. Waiting in pain. Waiting in hard times. I have begun to realize that when I wait with expectation, with hope, my mind begins to change. My disposition changes. When I trust that the God of all peace and comfort has ultimate good in mind here for me, I can wait with hope. I know my Savior has come and that he is coming again.

“All these died in faith [guided and sustained by it], without receiving the [tangible fulfillment of God’s] promises, only having seen (anticipated) them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. Now those who say such things make it clear that they are looking for a country of their own. And if they had been thinking of that country from which they departed [as their true home], they would have had [a continuing] opportunity to return. But the truth is that they were longing for a better country, that is, a heavenly one. For that reason God is not ashamed [of them or] to be called their God [even to be surnamed their God—the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob]; for He has prepared a city for them.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11‬:‭13‬-‭16‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/heb.11.13-16.AMP

Guided and sustained by faith, anticipated, welcomed, acknowledged. Not looking back, longing for a better, heavenly country. For these reasons, God is not ashamed to be called their God. This. Right here. What I think in my mind, matters. What I speak, matters. When it feels dark, gray and cloudy, I know. I know that the sun is right behind those clouds.

The examples of faith in the word are to be our encouragement. They were not extraordinary in themselves, they were regular humans just like us. They each made a choice to believe. To walk. To follow. And today, I choose. I keep choosing. I choose to follow my Lord and Savior, even when it’s gray and i just don’t see the sunshine.

“O Israel, hope in the Lord; For with the Lord there is lovingkindness, And with Him is abundant redemption. And He will redeem Israel From all his sins.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭130‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/psa.130.7-8.AMP

Hope in the Lord, my friend. Oh my soul, hope in the Lord.